They grow up so fast

I took my daughter to the park yesterday. I brought my knitting and noticing that there were not any comfortable places to sit, I sat in my car so that I could knit in relative comfort. It's a small park, so I parked close enough so that I could watch her.

Weekly trips to the park used to be rewards for me, after a long week away from my baby. I worked all week and needed to be a mommy. I enjoyed my time with her. I loved watching her grow from a little toddler who could barely climb up the baby slide to a little girl whose face lit up every time she was able to reach the step that she couldn't reach the week before. Her growth always amazed me...I thought she was the smartest and cutest little girl in the world.

We stopped making our weekly trips to the park a few years ago. It just became really difficult to take both of my children to the park; she still wanted me to watch her play, but I often could not (and felt guilty about it) because I had to watch her little brother. I still make efforts to have mom/daughter days with her, but being a stay at home mom is a full time job with lots and lots of overtime, and sometimes after a really exhausting week, all I want to do is to take all of the accumulated breaks that I didn't get to take during the week.

When I watched her play yesterday, making friends, running around, climbing the slide, sliding down the firefighter pole, I remembered that little toddler that struggled to climb up a step only a foot high...and missed the feeling I had when the weekends came and I could finally spend time with my little girl. It just occurred to me that maybe she misses those too.

I traded in my job away from my children to be a stay at home mom. Do I regret it? Never, and I would do it again. I can't take breaks like I used to in the office, I can't take vacations, I can never say "That is not in the scope of my position" and refer my children to someone else. They are my full responsibility...and I love it. It is a challenging position, ripe with growth opportunities and rewards. They give me endless reasons to knit (needs socks? okay, let's go buy some yarn!) , play games, sing silly songs, make funny faces and noises, and meet other parents with children. Best of all, I get free daycare, and I know that my children are getting the best care that I can provide for them.